This past weekend I got a few minutes to talk to my friend, Christina. I find it so enlightening to talk to people who have been through so much and been so impacted by God's mercy. Diane used to refer to me as a trophy of God's grace. I would agree that any soul that has experienced healing from what could easily have been a mortal wound is a dwelling place of the Holy Spirit and a stronghold of Divine Mercy.
I had asked Christina to give some thought to what God had done to bring her healing. She's still praying about that question as I am, but she had some thoughts that I felt deserved some discussion.
She mentioned how many times in the gospels Jesus asked someone in need of healing if they wanted to be healed or if they believed He could heal them. In those two questions are two prerequisites to the working of the Holy Spirit in making us whole.
Do we want to be healed? I know in my case I had spent years formulating defense mechanisms that I used to try to satisfy the needs of my heart and mind. I had become very attached to my self made fortress. I became defensive and hostile any time my self protective mechanisms were threatened. I even turned on God when He made attempts to woo me away from my own idols. I had to get sick enough of myself and the emptiness of my soul in order to be willing to take those first
tentative steps toward obedience and trust. I couldn't receive what God had for me as long as I clung to my own devices. (I wrote about this in an article called "Broken Cisterns" about a year ago. You can find it in the archives on June 8.)
So Jesus' question is legitimate. Are you willing to be healed? Are you willing to empty yourself of your own "self soothing" in order to let Him be your all?
Jesus also
asks the sick "Do you believe I can heal you?" For some it's not so much being willing as it is believing that Jesus can make a difference in their lives. I've known people who dare God to change them because they don't believe it can be done. Again, this form of doubt usually leads us to find our own, self-made armor so that we can get from day to day. We muddle through expecting nothing from God except maybe condemnation because we have no vision of His power or His determination to make us new. He's asking us to step out in faith and follow Him, believing He can make us whole. He will even honor our
shaky steps of beginning faith and help our unbelief as we continue to put one foot in front of the other.
In reality, these are the questions He asks us all every day. As we struggle with the human nature that constantly wars against the sanctifying grace we receive in the Sacraments, He continually asks us if we are willing to be changed and if we believe He can change us.
What in your life are you putting up with because you can't imagine facing
life without it? What are you holding on to because you don't believe God can sustain you without your self-made comfort? Are you willing to be made willing to believe Him? Are you willing to take those first
shaky steps toward obedience and ask Him to meet you along the way and help your unbelief?