Out of Darkness ~ What Jesus Needs

As a Protestant I was taught that Jesus didn't need anything from us. In a way that is true. The Blessed Trinity existed outside of time and space before anything was created, including mankind, and the Trinity needed nothing created in order to be complete. But God is love, as we know, and while love needs an object, love is fulfilled when the object of love, loves in return. God gifted man with free will so that he can either choose to respond to God's love with love or with rejection.



Mere moments before He gave up His Spirit, Jesus said "I thirst." St. Therese, Doctor of the Church, said that He not only had a physical thirst, but also thirsted for the souls of mankind. He thirsted for our love freely given in response to His laying down of His life for us. After all, after being arrested the night before, beaten for hours on end, mocked and scourged and made to stand before one magistrate after another, don't you suppose he had gotten thirsty long before this? And since there were so few words spoken by Christ from the cross, I would imagine that each and every one of them were packed with significance. So was He just thirsty for water, or thirsty for the fruit of His Passion - the love of His creatures in response to His great love for us?

So, what does this have to do with the rest of the Out of Darkness series? What does it have to do with healing from sexual abuse in particular? Just this: That most victims of sexual abuse by a spiritual authority initially run from God or from religion in an attempt to find relief. But God, in His Holy love for us, continues to pursue us in an attempt to heal us and to help us understand that while the wolf that hurt us was disguised as His emissary, His love for us is completely unselfish. That far from taking from us, He is willing to prove His love for us by giving us His very last drop of blood.

So where was all this love while we were being violated? Where was He when my father violated my body and soul? He was hanging naked on the cross beaten and abused because what was going to happen to me 2000 years later was so vile and ugly that only His Passion could atone for it. The cross was so ugly because the sin committed against you and me was so ugly. He was so violently rejected by those He loved because those He loved would someday violate you so horribly that only such suffering could heal us. By His wounds we are healed . . .

Stop running my friend. Turn and see the One who loves you in all Holiness and chastity. See the one Who longs to heal your heart and soul and Who thirsts to receive the love you give Him by an act of your free will in response to His self sacrifice. No one else can make the pain go away. No amount of human love, no amount of pleasure, no amount of pain-numbing substance or experience can eradicate the silent suffering. His love alone heals the wound and leaves no scar.

Go contemplate the nearest crucifix and open yourself to the healing love of Jesus Christ. Know in your heart that He does understand how much it hurt. Know that He understands what it is like to not be believed, to be told He is a fool or a liar or crazy. He knows and He understands and He cares so deeply that He is willing to endure the worst kind of death to prove that His love is pure and He is worthy of our love in return. Crawl inside His wounds, let Him hide you from the nightmare and sooth the pain. He can make your whole. He can give you back what has been taken. He can set you free.

Should We Be Ashamed of the Crusades, Part II

Again, thanks to Jonathan for posting this to Facebook.

WICHITA, Kansas (Catholic Online) - The Islamic Empire spanned several continents from East Asia to Spain and was difficult to govern from one central location. By the beginning of the 11th century the Abbasid Caliphate had grown lax and corrupt and began to fragment.

Egypt was wrested from Abbasid control by the Fatimids. The Fatimids were Shi’a who strongly rejected the Sunni Caliphate in Baghdad. The Third Fatimid caliph in Egypt was known for atrocities against his own people, as well as against Christians. In 1009, he began a policy of persecution against Christians and ordered the destruction of all churches, including the ancient and deeply revered Church of the Holy Sepulcher.

Pilgrimage to the holy site was forbidden for over a decade. Although modern interest in pilgrimage is slight, medieval Christians were passionate about expressing their faith with their feet. Pilgrims came back with stories of abuse. Thousands never came back at all, having been killed or enslaved.

The Seljuk Turks Ravage the Anatolian Peninsula

In 1055 the Seljuk Turks conquered the Abbasid dynasty and enforced a severe form of Islam over all the lands they captured. This was bad news for all those subjugated, but especially for the dhimmi.

The Turks swarmed into the Anatolian Peninsula, the very heartland and breadbasket of the Byzantine Empire, destroying commerce and shipping, torching markets, towns and villages. They seized the harvest and the livestock, slaughtered the men, raped the women and then enslaved the women and children.

The people were impoverished, weakened and demoralized. They submitted to the Turks, who then confiscated their homes and means of livelihood. The usual jizya was supplemented by the devshirme, the submission of one or more sons conscripted to serve as Janissaries. Completely cut off from their family, never softened by marriage, these warriors fought with complete abandon. They became a formidable force, one that would later tyrannize the Sultan.

Europe Responds: The Crusades

In 1069, the new Byzantine emperor – Romanus Diogenes IV, struggled to defend his people. He was soundly defeated at the Battle of Manzikert in 1071, not only by the superior Turkish strength, but by treason among his own generals. Routed by the enemy, the emperor called to the West for help.

This battle was a turning point for Europe. True, they had centuries of chronic conflict with the Islamic Empire. Spain was still under Islamic domination. The Mediterranean islands and coastlands had never ceased to be subject to attack, plunder and the slave trade. None of this was new. But Manzikert signaled that the Emperor’s defense was crumbling and could no longer protect their eastern boundary or the Holy Land. The Europeans had to take up the defense. Fortunately, the Emperor’s plea came at a time when Europe was gaining strength and unity. Finally, they were able to respond to Muslim aggression.

Did the First Crusade come out of nowhere? Hardly. There were both historical and immediate reasons for the Europeans to engage the Muslims in war. The Crusades were a long overdue defensive response to centuries of antagonism.

There were eight official Crusades to the Holy Land, lead by men of high rank and great wealth. Just a few names dispels the myth that the Crusades were primarily a way to rid Europe of second sons and unemployed knights. The First Crusade, for example, was commanded by nobility including Godfrey, Duke of Lower Lorraine (almost as large as France), Raymond of Toulouse and Marquis of Provence, Duke Robert, son of William the Conqueror, and Bohemond, Norman King of Sicily.

King Louis VII of France and King Conrad of Germany led the Second Crusade. King Henry II of England planned to join the Crusade, but he died. So his heir, King Richard the Lionhearted went and nearly lost his kingdom to his younger brother John while he was away. The leaders of the Third Crusade included King Philip Augustus of France and Emperor Frederick I of Germany. The list of notaries goes on. In fact, Europe sent her best and brightest on Crusade.

Furthermore, going on Crusade was unimaginably expensive. Each noble had to provide his own armaments, his horses, money and supplies of every sort for himself and for his retinue. Knights had to pay their own way as well. Ships had to be built and paid for. In feudal times, land was the main source of revenue. Those going on Crusade often mortgaged to the hilt the family domain or whatever land they owned. Crusading often left them nearly destitute.

Did they go seeking treasure? Certainly some did. But for most Crusaders it made little sense to mortgage all of one’s wealth in hand for an arduous and dangerous trek across thousands of miles on horseback and on foot after the animals died. Along the way the Crusaders died of starvation, dehydration, disease, and altercations with locals (some their own fault). Once in the Holy Land, they faced death in battle and then a long, miserable trip home, perhaps to find that their homes had been stolen in their absence. The Crusades were not a great source of enrichment for most who went.

When the first wave of Crusaders arrived, Baghdad didn’t bother to send troops to help Jerusalem, because the Franks (as they were called by the Muslims) were too insignificant to warrant their attention. After the Crusaders proved themselves to be vigorous fighting men, the Muslims responded quite forcefully. They were a well-armed, fearsome and skilled fighting force, more than equal opponents of the Europeans. The war was conducted according to the customs of their day, not according to the Geneva Convention of the twentieth century. Was it bloody? Of course it was. War is always bloody. There were excesses and duplicity on both sides. Both sides also developed mutual respect for the courage and fighting ability of their opponent. ****

Should We Be Ashamed Of the Crusades?

The following was shared by one of my friends Jonathan Smith, on Facebook, where I spend a good deal of my online time. I found it interesting and asked if I could share it. You can click the title of this post and read it directly from Catholic Online.

Long before the advent of Islam in the 7th century, the Middle East was the heartland of Christianity. Jesus was a Palestinian Jew.

WICHITA, Kansas (Catholic Online) - “What about the Crusades?” The question seems more like an accusation, implying that the powerful Europeans attacked a simple and peaceful people on their home turf for no reason.

Using the Crusades as a club to bludgeon the West into guilty silence is a modern practice that has more to do with twentieth century events like the First and Second World Wars and the strains of passivism these engendered, than with the reality of the 12th and 13th centuries.

In fact, the Muslims were proud of the Crusades. After all, they won. And the Europeans? The Crusades were the first stirring of coordinated defense against centuries of attack by Muslim forces. Until the 20th century the Crusades were viewed as honorable wars, by all sides.

So, be ready when someone flips you the Crusades trump card. The historical context is the key to this puzzle, not 20th century sensibilities. The events leading up to and following the Crusades place them where they belong in the flow of history.

The Middle East was once the Christian Heartland

It’s hard to believe, isn’t it? Long before the advent of Islam in the 7th century, the Middle East was the heartland of Christianity. Jesus was a Palestinian Jew. All the major doctrines of Christian theology – the Trinity, the Incarnation, etc. -- were hammered out in the great and ancient Sees that go back to the earliest history of the Church. With the exception of Rome, all were engulfed by Islamic conquest. – Jerusalem, Alexandria (Egypt), Antioch (Syria), and Constantinople – all submerged.

The Muslim conquerors swept over the Arabian peninsula, north into Syria and Persia and further points east, across northern Africa where the great St. Augustine once preached, over the Straits of Gibraltar into Spain and Portugal and north far into modern day France. One by one the islands of the Mediterranean fell. The southern coast of France was pounded for centuries. Right before the Crusades, the Muslims overwhelmed the Balkans and the Anatolian Peninsula. Later, after the Crusades, the jewel of the Byzantine Empire, Constantinople, fell to the Sultan in 1453.

After the fall of the Roman Empire and without protection, Europe was like a third world continent exposed to invasion and looting from all sides. Charles Martel held them out of France at the Battle of Tours in 732. His grandson Charlemagne spent his life crisscrossing Europe in the late 8th and early 9th centuries trying to protect his people, with some success. The Spanish endured 700 years of domination by the Moors, the last living branch of the original Umayyad Dynasty, until the 15th century.

The Byzantine Empire was wealthy, powerful, and organized, as were the Muslims under their caliphs. Until the Crusades, the Europeans were too weak, too disorganized and too poor to mount an effective response, but in the 11th century the chaos began to lift. Still, it was not until the 17th century, when the Muslims were finally repulsed at the gates of Vienna on September 11, 1683, that the balance of power definitively shifted in favor of Europe. That story, however, picks up long after the Crusades had come and gone.

There were more immediate reasons for the Crusades also.

Dhimmitude, or Life Under Muslim Domination

A common myth is that Christians and Jews were tolerated by their Islamic overlords. In a certain fashion, this was true. But the medieval Islamic understanding of toleration did not leave the conquered peoples simply free to go about their business.

They were given three options: convert, die or enter into dhimmitude, a protection pact with their overlords. They were permitted to live and practice their religion, but under very heavy social, economic and political burdens. The weight of these burdens depended to some extent on the local overlord, but even in the best of times the limitations were a significant handicap, much like our own vile Jim Crow laws.

The most important burden placed on the dhimmi was the Jizya or head tax. This could be in the form of money or in the form of slaves, under some rulers even one’s own children. The jizya was collected with maximum humiliation to be sure the dhimmi were properly “subdued” and passive towards the injustices they endured.

The overlord could rescind the agreement at any time, but failure to pay the Jizya for any reason meant the infidel (Christian or Jew) had ceded his right to protection. Their neighbors could take property. They could be beaten, killed or deported, and many were.

The dhimmi were not permitted to own land and were not allowed to testify in a court of law. This could have important ramifications. For example, a Christian man whose wife was raped in his presence was not able to testify against a Muslim rapist. At any time, violence, rape or theft could occur against the dhimmi, with minimal punishment to the perpetrators

Dhimmi were required to wear identifying garb, at a minimum some form of headgear or armband. These rules were quite specific and were intended to ensure that dhimmi were highly visible wherever they went.

This was important, because dhimmi could not come face to face with a Muslim on the street or walk on the sidewalk. They were required to pass a Muslim on the left, or impure side. They could not remain seated in the presence of a Muslim, could not ride a mule in town or any noble creature, like a horse or camel. Infractions against these rules could result in being beaten, even to death, in the street.

Christians were prohibited from building or repairing churches, without express permission. To avoid insulting their Muslim overlords with the sound of their singing, worship had to be conducted in silence. Christian houses had to be built lower than Muslim houses.

The reality of dhimmitude lived by their Christian brothers and sisters in the Middle East gradually entered the consciousness of Christians in Europe, especially as pilgrims to the Holy Land came back with stories to tell, even with accounts of their own mistreatment. While some caliphates were less oppressive, the ascendancy of the Seljuk Turks in the 11th century intensified the sufferings of the dhimmi and of pilgrims, many of whom were not only harassed but enslaved. This was the situation shortly before the First Crusade.

**** Jeri Holladay writes from Wichita, Kansas, where she has been Director of Adult Education at the Spiritual Life Center of the Diocese of Wichita, Associate Professor of Theology, Chairman of the Theology Department and founding Director of the Bishop Eugene Gerber Institute of Catholic Studies at Newman University. She teaches moral theology and church history.This is the first in a series she will offer to the readers of Catholic Online.

The Face Of Genocide

Since the new President took office, I’ve been saddened and sickened by his ruthless dismantling of everything President Bush accomplished for the cause of life. It’s kind of like watching the rape of the moral right on the nightly news as he makes good on his liberal promises with a flourish.

I was wondering, as I watched him sign death documents for those who are not yet born and yet to be conceived, if he realizes that Margaret Sanger, who had much to do with the launching of the abortion industry, was targeting his own race. Did he realize that this whole practice was originally designed to eliminate African Americans from the face of the earth?

Today I noticed that my friend Steve Ray has been wondering the same thing. He included this link in his blog.

Rest In Peace Yvonne

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual Light shine upon her. May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, Rest in peace. Amen.

Yvonne passed peacefully into eternity late this morning. I am so thankful for the time we had with her. I'm so thankful for all the help she was as I raised my daughters. I praise the Lord for how He worked in her heart as she grew old gracefully. Thank you, Lord, for Your Divine Mercy.

Let The Repentance, Prayer, Fasting and Reparation Begin

Please Pray For Yvonne

My former mother-in-law is nearing the end of her earthly journey. I spent some time at her bedside this afternoon praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet and watching her struggle to breathe. Her heart is failing and her kidneys are failing and it has been decided that she would be kept unconscious until she slips away. Yvonne has done something that I hope I will do. She has become sweeter as the years passed. She and I had some tiffs years ago and we certainly didn't do well in the same kitchen, but as her health started failing she seemed to be able to love those around her more deeply and respond to life with more grace. Her declining health has brought me and my former sister-in-law closer. It's helped my children realize the brevity of life. She has meant a lot to all of us. Now she is waiting for this life to let her go and I pray she soon finds herself in the arms of Jesus. Please pray for her as she sleeps at the door of eternity. "For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on her and on the whole world."

Out of Darkness ~ Laying Down Our Rights

We Americans know our rights. We hold our rights dear to us and we are willing to fight for them when they are threatened. We have a strong sense of personal freedom. Every day we see people expressing their views openly. Even views that were once thought unthinkable are now showcased on the news and in the media with a flourish of in-your-face zeal. We seem to be on a mission to abolish every obstacle to absolute limitless self expression. It's enough to make me change the channel or turn the magazine around in the grocery store rack. (Yes, I have done that.)

I'm a big believer in rights. I guard my own tenaciously. My first and most important right is my right to religious freedom. Don't mess with me on that one. I have the right to be the person I choose to be and my religion forms the structure of my mindset, world view, self-image, and politics. Yo soy Catolica!

In interpersonal relationships I am a firm believer in boundaries. Any one who has known me more than ten minutes knows that I believe that healthy, well tended boundaries are the secret to a successful life and to successful relationships with others.

But there is one relationship where personal rights are a hindrance to true intimacy and true holiness.

This mornings readings gave me the verse I had been looking for that expresses why personal rights are not something to be clung to in our relationship with God. In the second reading from the first letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians, he says: "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore glorify God in your body." The key phrase there: "you are not your own."

When the Lord really moved in and took over my life I used to use a series of letters as my email address that expressed what I had learned about my relationship with God. Those letters were algtinml. They stood for: Abba's Little Girl - This Is Not My Life! They mean that I had discovered God as my loving Abba and that I had learned that in my relationship with Him, I needed to abandon myself to Him and lay down my otherwise fiercely defended rights.

Now if you've been reading this series all along, you know that at the beginning the last things I was apt to do was lay down my right to self protection and self satisfaction and abandon myself to God. I didn't trust Him beyond handling things like making the sun come up in the morning. I was certain He was out to abuse me. So how does one get from keeping God at bay to melting into His arms in total abandonment?

Don't as me. I have no idea, but I've tried to explain what God changed in me that allowed me to get there. But I do know that after I laid down my right to my own life, He demonstrated over and over that He is more concerned about my well being and wholeness that I am myself. He has proven that I was created for Him and that my only satisfaction comes from abandonment to Him.

God likens our relationship to Him to that of a husband and wife. So hang in there with me while I wax romantic and explain why this abandonment is the pathway to peace and joy.

Imagine a married couple in a marital embrace. In order for that embrace to be all it can be, he must love her as Christ loves His Church, even to the point of giving Himself for her. In response (because we love Him because He first loved us) she trusts him completely, respects him immensely, and trusts in his unselfish concern for her well being and protection. In that perfection of relationship, marital bliss is ultimate. That is the perfect picture of our relationship to Christ as His Bride. He loved us enough to give Himself for us. He purchased us with the price of His own life. It was a painful price to pay! We know that with love like that He is completely trustworthy. We know that abandonment to Him will only lead to our good. We know that as the creator and sustainer of the universe, He is capable of making all things work together for our good. We can lie back in His arms and let Him have His way with us because we know His way is perfect and is always designed with our wholeness and protection in mind.

Now before you start listing off all the times that His will included something tragic and painful, remember that just as His love for us led Him through terrible suffering for our sake, so His will for us sometimes includes suffering. But that suffering is never intended for our destruction. It is always tempered by His mercy and eventually healed by his grace. Let's face it, even in marital bliss there is suffering. The man cares for the woman by the sweat of his brow and the woman gives birth to the embodiment of their love through the pangs of childbirth. Love is and always will be the willingness to suffer for the good of the other. So suffering isn't to be rejected but to be born out of love of the beloved.

Just as that blissful marital moment would be ruined by selfishness and rejection, so our relationship with God cannot be what it was intended to be as long as we give God limitations to His working in our life.

But God is a gentleman. If you find it difficult to trust Him, ask Him to help you. Ask Him to melt your heart and make surrender possible. Ask Him to help you understand His powerful love for you. In His own time and in His own way He will woo you to surrender. Don't hold back! You will never know the deepest fulfillment of our soul until you lay down your rights and leap into the abyss of His love.

Justin and Sarah At Their "Vortex"

This past Sunday I was sitting in Mass with the new Mr. and Mrs. Cooper and thinking about that spot in front of the altar at St. Thomas the Apostle where they both were born again by water and Spirit. They were also Confirmed in the Holy Spirit and given First Holy Communion on that same spot. Then on January 3rd they gave each other the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony before Fr. Patrick and their loved ones. I decided I needed to take a picture of them standing at that Holy spot where their new lives began and were fulfilled in the grace of God. They liked the idea. So here they are standing at their "spiritual vortex" that Sacred spot where they have encountered the grace of God over and over in the past few years. I think it's a real special picture.

You Don't Have To Imagine

A repeated theme in so many Protestant worship songs is the longing of the Christian heart to see Jesus. I remember when I realized that Jesus was just down the street from my house at the nearest Catholic Church.

One day I invited a baptist friend of mine to step into the Adoration Chapel at St. Helen's for a moment. She sat behind Esther and me. After only a few minutes she leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "I've never felt the Presence of God so powerfully in my life!"

If you are Catholic and you want to know Jesus in a deep and personal way, make time to visit Him in the Blessed Sacrament. If you are Protestant and even a little bit curious if there is something to this "Real Presence" thing, just go sit and be. Open your heart and let Him do all the talking. I know you will be back.

Click the post title for one of my favorite videos. Also, check Patrick Madrid's blog for another great video and Adoration.

Come Home . . .

Click the title and prepare for chills and tears. Thank you, Jesus, for your unspeakable gift!

What's In The Works

I'm sitting here on the couch sniffling sneezing with one of those lovely winter colds that seem to never skip a year. I'm looking around the house and feeling overwhelmed by how much needs to be done. With Esther moved off to Franciscan University and Sarah moved into her new place with Justin, Kim and I are re-arranging the whole place to accommodate the boys and us. Then there is the Christmas decorations that I need to put away. And of course the remnants of Sarah's stuff that she needs to pick up (they get back into town today) and the stuff that belongs to Esther that I need to pack away safely for her. See what I mean?

I'm also trying to recover from the financial set backs that have made life interesting around here. (Thank you to everyone who has used the pay pal along the margin to help out!) Basically, it feels like a total change of life routine and at my age it's just not comfortable.

But I have high hopes and goals for the next year. I hope to get rolling on the "Out of Darkness" series here soon. I also hope to start working on some talks that I give in Parishes and Conferences that will incorporate the "Our of Darkness" series as well as some other apologetics talks.

So stay tuned. When I can put this tissue down and type with both hands, I hope to get rolling with a strong sense of direction. Keep my family in your prayers as we each face out own challenges.

By the way, I'm going to start praying for those of you who sign up as "followers" of this blog. If you notice along the margin there is a place to sign up as a follower. I will be taking the intentions of my followers to the Blessed Sacrament every week. So if you have some prayer requests, let me know by email.

God bless you all and have a very Happy New Year!

Justin and Sarah Dancing at the Reception

Isaac at Sarah's Wedding

Justin and Sarah's Wedding

What a beautiful wedding. I'm afraid I don't have pictures yet, but I will eventually. Sarah was absolutely beautiful. Justin was as galant as ever and just beaming with joy and pride at his bride. It took place at St. Thomas the Apostle Catholic Church in Phoenix. It's a large sanctuary, built in the tradition cross style. We just finished a refurbishing project that had it painted in fresh colors and touched up in gold accents. The altar was decorated with red roses and red poinsettias. Her colors were midnight blue and platinum. Everything worked together very well.

My Grandson, Gabriel, was to have been the ring bearer. He was decked out in his Ralph Lauren outfit and shoes. Unfortunately, just before he was to walk down the aisle, he started to have an allergic reaction to some ant bites he had gotten a couple of days before and his face and ear blew up like red balloons. Rather than partying after the wedding, he and he daddy took off for urgent care to get him treated. Poor guy looked like half of his head was larger than the other half. He's a much happier and more proportional fellow this morning. But we didn't skip a beat. Our wedding coordinator kept things rolling beautifully inspite of the 2 year old melt down in the lobby.

The beautiful bridesmaids, which included my two other daughters, and their handsome groomsmen came down the aisle as Justin watched from the front of the Church with his eyes riveted on his Sarah. She was a vision.
The ceremony was wonderful. Most of Justin's family is not Catholic and several of Sarah's friend are not as well. That always makes for some interesting challenges liturgically, but it also provides some great opportunities to share the beauty of our Catholic faith. It makes my heart ache when folks don't know why we bow at the end of the pews when we process in. They are completely unaware of the Presence of Our Lord there in that beautiful gold box at the front of the Church. Oh, Lord bring our brothers and sisters home!

Sarah and Justin took their vows and exchanged rings. Sarah, who is prone to panic attacks, was calm and focused on Justin and the Sacrament they were giving each other.

I cried like a baby. In fact, I was the lecture and I was so busy crying as I watched her walk in that I forgot it was time for my reading. Esther turns her head my way from the front pew and whispers "reading!" Fortunately, that shook me free of my tears long enough to get me through the reading.

It was beautiful and flawless. I was so overcome by the miracle that this day was. We thought we had lost Sarah. She walked away from faith and family for a time. Many people were praying for her. Even strangers were praying for her conversion. That included nuns in convents in different parts of the world, and the sweet little man named Jack from EWTN who used to sit in the front every day. He had her name in his wallet to remember to pray for her. Then one day, like a gentle breeze, the Holy Spirit enveloped her and Justin and the work of conversion began. We all watched in amazement as these two young people opened themselves up to the Lord and His grace and miracles started to happen in them.

Now here they are, two adults who had decided that the world didn't have the answers, but that God, in His Church, had the secret to true fulfillment, kneeling before that same God in the Tabernacle and placing their union into His Hands. All I could do was give thanks and cry.

Then it was picture time. When Gabriel's daddy had to take him to urgent care, he left me with little Isaac. So for the rest of the evening he was my little "date." (My arms are sore!)

The reception was at the Scottsdale Hilton. It was beautful and a blast. When they were announced, Justin came running in carrying Sarah on his back. You'd have to see that to understand how funny it is. She had this HUGE dress! It was so cute. We had a sit down dinner that was delish.

Then the dancing began! For three girls who were raised non-dancing baptists, my girls can cut a rug! Kim had to teach the DJ how to do the Macarena. She was born to dance. And even my ex-husband, who was also raised baptist, was dancing the night away as well. Isaac and I danced here and there as he was very tired but didn't want to shut his eyes because he was afraid he might miss something.

I left an hour or so early because I was beat. After I left, one of the groomsmen had a mishap on the dance floor and now had six stitches to show for his participation in his brother's wedding. Poor Greg! I'll bet you'll never forget your brother's wedding!

We all got up early this morning and drove across town again to go to Mass with Justin and Sarah before they left on their honeymoon in California. I thought it was very special that they wanted us to share Mass with them before they left.

I'm sure I'll remember more when I recover, but for now that's the Reader's Digest version.