Our Lady of Guadalupe, Patroness of Mexico, Pray For Us

Please join with me to commit to praying for those who have been and will be affected by the Swine Flu epidemic. Please click "cool" if you're planning on waging war on your knees with me.

How The Swine Flu Started

DO NOT DO THIS!

:)

The Stupidest Stunt Yet

My good friend Steve Ray beat me to the punch and the punch line. This has got to be the stupidest stunt I've ever seen by any government. Not only that, it would appear that the left hand didn't know what the right hand was doing. Let 's see, Janet is out there profiling Christians as a threat and our Commander and Chief is trying to give New Yorkers a heart attack. What a joke.

Iraqi Christians Under Attack

Attacks on Christians in Iraq leave 3 dead . . .

It's All In Your Point Of View

I've discussed this experience before, and I don't want to dwell on it, but it is a perfect example of something I wanted to share today.

Back in 2004 I had a car accident. You can read about it in the post called "It Was Just a Bump." I won't go into the details, but I sustained a head injury that knocked me out briefly. When the police arrived to take a report and clean up the scene, they asked me what happened. I replied that I had no idea what happened. All I knew was that I was entering the intersection after checking the light and the next thing I knew I was facing the other direction and I was down the road a ways with my car and my head slightly reconfigured. I couldn't possibly give him an other information.

So he told me to relax and let the nice paramedics take care of me and he would come see me in the ER after he had interviewed witnesses and figured out what happened.

The first time he stopped in to see me was right after I arrived in the ER. He told me he wasn't finished with the scene yet, but that there were witnesses that said I had run the red light and there were witnesses that said the other party had run the red light. He said he would have to investigate the scene and let me know what his decision was based on the evidence.

I've gotta tell you I was nervous. I had no memories to go back to other than one quick snap shot type of memory as I entered the intersection. Then there was nothing else till I came to other than a vague memory of a thud sound. Not much to go on.

After what seemed like forever, the officer returned to ER (fortunately the accident scene was right around the corner from the hospital) to give me his analysis. He said, "well, ma'am, you were t-boned by a lady running a red light. She got the citation and her insurance company should be taking care of you and your daughter.

Needless to say, I was relieved. I had been really shaken by the fact that there were witnesses that were certain that I had run the red light and witnesses that were certain that she had run the red light. How could people have seen it both ways? I was relieved that the police were trained in accident investigation and that they could tell by signs left in the road, the location of the impact, etc. what had really happened. I was glad they were well versed in the laws of physics as they pertain to car accidents.

That brings me to the point I wanted to make. I was at St. Helen's Gift Shop this morning looking for a missal. I gave mine to this nice couple last week who were Anglican, but because of the conversion of one of their Priests to the Catholic Church, they were visiting my home Parish. They wanted a missal because they were not familiar with the liturgy and wanted to have a "road map." St. Thomas was out of missals, so I handed them my tattered, used missal.

So today I stopped by to replace it and I struck up a conversations with the two gentlemen who were working the cash register. Seems one of them was a recent convert from the baptist tradition and was experiencing some difficulties with his family over his conversion. I was expressing my sympathy and even empathy for his struggle. We started talking about books his family might be willing to read. I always direct folks to Surprised by Truth I, Crossing The Tiber, and Rome Sweet Home. There are books that are written as more thorough apologetics for the Catholic faith than these, but I think these books serve a powerful purpose in that they follow converts through the process of discovering that their own faith tradition is an innovation rather than the original Christian Church. They answer the typical questions that Tiber swimmers ask and it also demonstrates that the person reading the book isn't the first person to be shocked and dismayed by the catholicity of the early church and to be overwhelmed by the pain of separation from family and friends when they reach the point of decision to return to the birthplace of Christianity, the Catholic Church.

Sometimes, when I am encouraging someone in this man's situation, I tell them that I am the sister of James White. If they have heard of him and know what he does, this usually creates an instant understanding that when I say I know what they are going through, I really do know. When I mentioned it this time, though, neither man had heard of my brother, so I had to explain what my brother does. Immediately, the second man reached for some books and started asking if my brother had ever read this or that or the writings of the Early Church Fathers. I assured him that he had. The man stood before me dumbfounded that anyone could read the writings of the Early Church and not convert, let alone spend his time fighting the Church built on the foundations Peter and the Apostles.

I understand his man's dismay completely. But as I explained to him, we all see from our own point of view. The writings of the Early Church as well as Sacred Scripture itself is always read through our own individual, presupposed filter. That filter can act like an obstacle that keeps someone from seeing "who ran the red light" just as it can keep someone from seeing that the men who canonized the scriptures that protestants see as their sole authority were Eucharist eating, Mary honoring, Saint venerating, progressive justification believing Catholic Bishops! (I'm betting $5 that sentence made Patrick Madrid wince with editorial pain.)

I told this bewildered man that I believe my brother has a vested interest in not seeing the obvious catholicity of the Early Church. I told him that sometimes we build our self image on things that we ought not to. I told him I believe my brother sees himself as a champion of the Reformation (he has told me so in the past) and that he might lose his sense of identity if he were to consider being anything else. I truly have no other explanation for what seems completely unthinkable to any well read Catholic.

Now you might not think that how one sees themselves is important enough to cause one to deny the obvious evidence before them. I would beg to differ though. Each of us has a sense of who we are. We enter a room or enter a relationship with that identity as our strength and shelter. Until we are certain how we have been received by others, we hide behind that identity for protection. We try to control others with our identity. After all, one who has a number of letters after their name on their stationery feels qualified to assert their version of truth over those who do not have those titles. I'm sure you've noticed your medical doctor doesn't ask you opinion about what is causing your illness, they have the degree and the license to tell you what is what, right?

Some people find their identity in their nationality. "I do that because I'm Italian!" Others find their identity in their accomplishments. "The renowned author and speaker . . . " Let's face it, we all have a natural tendency to want to be recognized and respected for something. So seeing ourselves as a champion of a cause or an expert in a field of study, or an authority in a field of medicine, or just a successful business person or a good parent is what gives us a sense of importance and often a sense of superiority to others.

But who are we really? I like to use the holocaust as an example of a time when a whole population of people (actually several populations including Jews, Catholics, and Polish citizens) were stripped of their identity. Doctors, jewelers, bankers, cobblers, teachers, grandmothers, students, Priests and religious, were all thrown together in a warehouse of humanity filled with lice and disease and starvation. It didn't matter if you had letters after your name, or if you were an actress or a butcher or a surgeon. You were just one big barn full of humanity suffering together.

An elaborate self identity is a luxury of an affluent society. We all have the means and the opportunity to earn a name for ourselves here in the U.S. We live in relative peace and the hand of God has held off the kind of oppression that robs people of their sense of identity. But one day each of us is going to stand before God stripped of our hard earned identities. Before the throne of God there are no degrees, no nationalities, no impressive reputations. What others think of us will mean very little except as how others saw Christ in us.

We will stand before God as one thing and one thing only: a unique creation of God, created with a free will, able to choose or reject God, given the opportunity to either cooperate with the ever present grace of God or reject His gracious overtures. We will either be a child of God or we will be a rebel from grace. And if we are a child of God, we will bear a family resemblance to Him who gave us new birth in baptism, nurtured our growth through confession and confirmation, and fed us with the Body and Blood of His Son in the Eucharist.

Any time we put our self worth or our identity in anything other than who we are in Christ, we not only risk the loss of our identity through circumstances or we build a false sense of power and control through confidence in our selves. We build idols of our own self importance and not only put our faith in them, we live our lives protecting those idols for fear that if they are lost, we will perish into obscurity.

What we are is gift. Our life, our breath, the grace of new birth, is all gift. If your confidence is in anything else, you will spend your life protecting that idol of self importance. Better to lose that idol now by dashing it at the feet of Him who gave Himself for us.

Fire Napolitano!

Second only to my desire to impeach Obama is my desire to rid American Public Service of Janet Napolitano. Click the image or the title for contact information to express your own opinion.

Yeah Right

Divine Mercy Sunday

If you've read my conversion story you may remember that the first time I attended a Catholic Mass was the Sunday after Easter, 2000. That was the very Sunday that St. Faustina was canonized and the second Sunday of Easter was declared Divine Mercy Sunday. But I knew nothing of her or of the Feast day. But no one can convince me that she didn't have much to do with the way that Jesus made Himself known to me in the Blessed Sacrament that day. His Divine Mercy was in fervent pursuit of this small soul for reasons I will never comprehend. But my gratitude will never find complete expression until I am able to tell Him face to face.

If you are not accustomed to praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet, I highly recommend it. It is my favorite formal prayer other than the Mass. I fact, it is closely tied to the Mass, as we, the people of God, exercise our priesthood by lifting up the cross of Christ and calling down the Divine Mercy of God on the world.

If there is someone you are having trouble forgiving, I would suggest praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet before the Blessed Sacrament for that person. It's amazing what God can do in us and through us if we will just take the first steps to be open to His grace. Take the dare. Take up your beads and and open yourself up to His Divine Mercy.

Pray For Susan Boyle

My friend, Christine T. sent me this prayer request as well as a news release about singing sensation Susan Boyle. I have a soft spot in my heart for this lady, especially since she is a Scot of Irish decent and a Catholic. Being Catholic and Scottish makes you very strong. Christine writes:

She is a fellow Catholic and very special, but according to her priest, because of her learning disability, the pressure of fame could lead to some problems.

Catholic News Service

Priest not surprised by Scottish woman's performance on British TVhttp://www.catholic%20news.com/%20data/stories/%20cns/0901753.%20htm

Catholic News Service LONDON (CNS) -- The audience snickered and the judges of "Britain's Got Talent" either rolled their eyes or allowed their blank expressions to betray their bemused skepticism as the awkward-looking middle-aged woman told them she wanted to be as famous as the popular British actress and singer Elaine Paige.

Then Susan Boyle began to sing, and they were spellbound and shocked by the beauty of her voice and rose to their feet in applause.But Father Basil Clark, who watched the show on television at his home in Broxburn, Scotland, was not surprised.He has seen the situation unfold many times before, having regularly accompanied Boyle, 47, on the annual Legion of Mary pilgrimage to the Marian shrine in Knock, Ireland."When I watched the judges' faces it reminded me of what I was like when I first saw Susan singing -- absolutely blown away by the quality of the singing and by that fantastic voice," said Father Clark, dean of West Lothian, the district that covers Boyle's home village of Blackburn."Anyone who sees her for the first time behaves the same way. I have never heard her sing badly, though she might lose the words if the stress gets too much," he told Catholic News Service in an April 16 telephone interview.

Boyle first appeared before judges Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden on the ITV1 sister show of "America's Got Talent"; it was broadcast April 11.Her fame spread on the Internet, and in just five days she had attracted more than 15 million YouTube viewings of her rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream," from the musical "Les Miserables."Part of Boyle's attraction is that she appears to be such an unlikely candidate for stardom. She said on TV that she has "never been kissed" and has lived alone with her cat since her mother died in 2007.

According to British media, she has learning disabilities as a result of being starved of oxygen at birth. She is unemployed and, as a churchgoing Catholic, her social life revolves around her family and her parish of Our Lady of Lourdes. She also enjoys karaoke in her local pub.Father Clark said, "When she gets up to sing it can either be wonderful or you can get the unpredictable eccentric behavior, but it is to do with the fact that she has learning difficulties."In a sense, there is a beautiful voice trapped in this damaged body," he said. "It is an absolute contrast. There she was on television acting very peculiarly and the audience was expecting peculiar things to happen and then a voice of an angel comes out -- and that's Susan."

Father Clark said that local people who knew Boyle, the youngest of nine children of a family descended from Irish migrants, were "enormously proud of her and wish her the best but they are aware of the risks she is running," adding that her behavior has previously drawn cruel taunts from children."People are slightly worried about what might happen after this bout of fame," he explained."I am quite worried for her," he added. "I think it's great at one level. It might just be the thing that will make her, but she is a very vulnerable person and it could be quite difficult."It is a great opportunity for her and as far as I am concerned she should make the best of it, and if it lasts, it lasts, and if it doesn't, then it's still more than almost any one of us will ever achieve," he added. "It is important in sustaining her and making sure this is all a very, very beneficial experience."

He described Boyle as "a woman of great faith" who was often "very gentle and very caring" though she could also be "needy and demanding."The world's media has camped outside Boyle's home where she grew up and where she still sleeps in the same room as when she was a child.But Boyle has decided to temporarily escape the limelight to stay with friends as she prepares for the next round of the competition, in which she is expected to sing "Whistle Down the Wind," by Andrew Lloyd Webber.

She did give an interview to "The Early Show" on CBS News in which she said that her instant fame "hasn't really sunk in yet."She said that she wanted to make her performance "a tribute to my mother" who had encouraged her to sing."I knew it was something I had to do," she said. "I had to get on with it. That's where the courage came from, my mother."The ones who made fun of me are now nice to me," she said. "So, I think I may have won them 'round.

"Writing for the Lord Blog http://writing4thelord.blogspot.com/

Saint Maria Goretti ~ Patroness of Sexually Abused Children

Interestingly enough, the Parish that is home to the Apostolate of the Little Flower is Saint Maria Goretti in Scottsdale, Arizona. St. Maria Goretti and Saint Dymphna are both considered Patronesses of the sexually abused because of their own deaths at the hands of abusers. Together with Saint Faustina of the Divine Mercy, they are the Patronesses of this blog site.

I Am A Right Wing Extremist Apparently

You may have heard that our former Arizona Governor, now Homeland Security Director, Janet Napolitano has created a document in which she describes the groups of individuals that are most likely to become part of a right wing terrorist organization. If you are Catholic and prolife (you can't be both Catholic and Pro-Choice!) you are on the list of those dangerous people.

Hey, Ms. Napolitano, count me in. I will stand up to protect my right to freedom of religion and for those who have no voice: the unborn and the elderly.

Heads up folks. Someday we'll have to "register" with the government in order to be Catholic and the government will be keeping an eye on us dangerous folks. Talk about profiling!

Don't Judge a Story By Only One Chapter

I've had many comments and emails in response to my "The Cross I Carry" piece. One thing I noticed was that many people were referred here by posts on my friend's blogs and they were commenting without having read the whole "Out of Darkness" series. If you haven't read the whole series you might think that the purpose of my writing is to tell my sad story. But that could not be farther from the truth. This is a story with a happy ending. The title "Out of Darkness" is from scripture and the passage continues . . . "and into His marvelous light." So if you are new to this blog, don't miss out on how God made all things work together for the good. See the right margin for the subject index and click "Out of Darkness."

God bless all of you who have committed to prayer on the last post. I'm so thankful to you.

A Hundred Fold

Sometimes family becomes strangers and strangers become family.

One thing I've learned along the road of discipleship is that if God asks you to give up something or someone for His sake, He will repay you in some other way many times over. I'm writing this after everyone has gone to bed and the lights are out, so I don't have my Bible and Strong's by my side in order to give you chapter and verse at the moment, but scripture tells us that when this fallen world causes you to suffer, the Lord will repay the years the locust ate. He will restore and replenish your heart and soul. Remember Job? Remember Jesus saying that no one has ever given up mother, father, lands, anything that He has not repaid them a hundred fold? I can tell you He is faithful.

In coming chapters of Out of Darkness I will be discussing how the Church meets our needs through the Sacraments and in other ways, but tonight, before I shut down and rest in the knowledge that even the pain of the last few days will be overcome by His abundant grace, I want to share some ways He has repaid me for what I have lost. I lost my family because of the situation with my father. I have no fellowship or community with them at all. But God didn’t leave me an orphan.

Early on in my journey home, He gave me Marie. She was willing to email with me every day for months as I endured my brother’s abuse, struggled to answer all my questions about the Catholic faith, and learned to live as a Catholic. She has been the instrument of God’s peace more times than I can remember. Her gentle spirit and intimacy with God has allowed her to be a guiding light for me in some of the darkest time of my life. She reminds me of the Blessed Mother in her humility, wisdom and compassion.

Some would say that Patrick Madrid used my story for profit. The truth is that Patrick Madrid allowed me to share my story via the Surprised by Truth medium. Other than Marie, no one has rolled up their sleeves and gotten so deeply involved in caring for me and my family as Patrick has. My kids refer to him as Uncle Patrick. He has been a true brother in Christ. He and his wife Nancy have been such a godly example to my girls. Thank you, Patrick and Nancy.

Steve and Janet Ray have also been there for us over and over again. I warned him many times that involvement in my life would earn him the wrath of my brother. Any time he has been willing to help me promote my writing I’ve cautioned him that he would pay dearly in persecution if he showed himself supportive of what I do. He has stood by me and taken the full frontal attack several times and has helped me reach many people who have expressed thanks for the insight that “Out of Darkness” has brought them.

Art Sippo, your expertise in medical and psychological matters has been invaluable to me more than once. I’ve been grateful that even though your experiences with my brother were distasteful, you were warm and receptive when I came home. I can always count on you and Steve to have my back when things get ugly. Bless you for that.

Lee Anne, my sister in faith from Washington, is always there no matter what time I call. This lady has seen me in all lights. She’s listened to me vent and then talked me back around to where I know I should be. She has taken on the responsibility of our email group when my plate got too full to be of any input any more. She has shared her life and her heartaches with me and has been what a true sister should be. Thank you.

Mike. I don’t know where to begin to thank you. Thank you for being open to the grace of God in your own life. I am so amazed at how you have grown and become content and peaceful. Your listening ear and your brotherly care have been a shelter in the storm so many times. I can look back and name times when we would not have made it without you. Thank you.

There are so many like Apolonio, Ed, Deb, Stephen, Christine, Leslie and many others who have been prayer support and encouragement. Every time I sit down to my computer I ask the Lord to guide me to write everything He wants me to write and nothing He doesn’t. And later one of you would write and tell me that something I wrote had met a need and I would know that God had answered my prayer. You’ve committed to pray for me as I try to share what God has done for me. Without those prayers, nothing I do would ever bear eternal fruit. Thank you so much.

I’m a member of the Apostolate of the Little Flower. You can check our little group out by viewing our blog site. The link is in my favorite links section. We are presently nine ladies with one postulant. We had two new ladies take their promises for the first time this past fall. These ladies are true sisters to me. We share our lives with each other as we share our first love ~ Jesus. I love my Sisters and I can count on their love for me.

Many of these folks knew my story long before I ever came forward with it. They guarded my secrets as a sacred trust. No one used my story to try to disprove or prove anything. They just stood by me and prayed for my family and me. Now that I’ve brought the story out into the light, they have still not used it as an apologetics tool any more than I have. Instead, they pray that others who have experienced abuse will be helped by the insights the Lord has brought to me. Insights, by the way, that were taught to me by Protestants. And every one of these people have promised to pray for the healing of my family.

I’ve begun asking all Catholics who communicate with me about the Out of Darkness series or about my family to please pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet for them. If you are willing to do the same, would you please check the “cool” box below? Thank you.

Dr. Oz Shuts Oprah's Mouth

I got an email with this link to a segment of an Oprah Show where Dr. Oz explains to Oprah and to Michael J. Fox, both Embryonic Stem Cell Research supporters, how it will be adult stem cells harvested ethically that will impact diseases like Parkinsons which has ravaged Fox's life. Way to go, Dr. Oz!

Saint Dymphna Pray For Us

He is Risen! Hallelujah!

Out of Darkness ~ The Cross I Carry

Sometimes, I'd like to be someone else. I'd love to be someone without controversy and "drama" in their life. I day dream about living somewhere where only God and the local wildlife know me. This is one of those times. I wasted 20 minutes of my morning today watching a very distasteful video my brother posted attacking me and a Catholic friend of mine, Steve Ray. Vilifying my integrity and Steve's, my brother spewed lie after lie about my own life. Yes, my own brother wasted his time and mine on this disgusting display of frenzied egoism, emotionalism, and fury, none of which are fruits of the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes, I wish I was someone else's sister.

But I firmly believe in the Lord's Divine Providence. I believe it was for a divinely decreed purpose that I was born into the family I was born into. I believe it was by providence I was named Patricia. I see the wisdom of God in all the many chapters of my life. I didn't see His hand in those times while I was living them, but from the 20/20 point of view of hindsight, I definitely see His hand of wisdom and mercy at work.

But, yes, I admit, at times like today I'd love to have a different family heritage. Even so, I am sure that this too is part of His plan. I am Patricia Ann White Bonds. I was born into the same family as my brother, James R. White. Our parents were both victims of abuse as young people. They carried those scars as people in those days did: silently. Silently, and without resolution, because no one talked about those things. You just toughed it out and did the best you could.

But the problem with that is that when dysfunction isn't corrected, it gets passed along. It victimizes the next generation — my generation, and specifically me. It skews every part of the lives of those who come from those who have not dealt with the past. This is definitely true of my brother and me. We are both the product of our distorted, dysfunctional, abuse-ridden upbringing. We bear the scars of that dysfunction, and those scars have no doubt affected our own children.

Rewinding to about 1996 or so, when God started helping me work through the wounds of my childhood, my relationship with my brother started to become an issue. After spending a lengthy time working through the sexual abuse that my father subjected me to for years, I had to confront my brother with the truth. Whether out of ignorance or a simple denial of what he knew to be true (I am not sure which), he began making false accusations against me to the elders of my church at the time, demanding that I be brought up on charges for having confronted my parents with an elder of my church to discuss the sexual abuse I had been subjected to. As you have read before on this blog, that visit to my parents' home was not met with any openness or willingness to accept counsel concerning the incestuous behavior I had endured for some ten years. My father and mother violently resisted the subject and denied any wrongdoing, other than my father's vague acknowledgement of having "sinned against me." His vague acknowledgement was accompanied by a denial that what he had done to me was wrong. So, no real progress was made in reconciling our family members to one another. Fortunately, my elder board refused to accept my brother’s accusations unless he had heard my story straight from my lips. So, I met with him at Diane’s house and told him the whole story. I not only described my father’s sin in detail, I also discussed the steps I had taken in order to find healing and peace.

Even after hearing my story, my brother James was hostile, defensive, and threatening. He warned me to "watch what I said" about my parents. He also made a very feeble comment about hoping he could "help me" someday. Help me? I had just told him how God had taken a woman who had experienced one of the most soul-damaging sins that can be experienced and had taught her to forgive, to overcome the residual damage to her spirit, and become a joyful, thankful woman of God. I wasn't asking for my brother's "help," I was showing him the miracle God had already done in me!

What grieved my heart after that meeting was that I had just opened my soul to James, allowing him to see a miracle of grace and he had seen it as lies and insanity. It reminds me in a very unsettling way of the story in Matthew 12:22-32 where Jesus performed a miracle of grace by healing a man, yet the unbelievers around him claimed He was casting out demons by the power of Satan. They looked right at a miracle of grace performed before their very eyes and yet they refused to admit that it was the work of God. Some went so far as to call it "evil."

You have to understand one thing about my brother and me. Before I began studying, really studying, for myself, I believed everything he told me about Scripture, theology, church history, everything having to do with our Protestant beliefs. The truth is, James wielded more power in my life than the Pope has in the lives of faithful Catholics. He was the author of all my "we knows" that I applied to those Scripture passages that simply made no sense at all from the Reformed Baptist perspective; those same passages that fell into place with the rest of Scripture when I began to understand them from the Catholic perspective. Back then, I accepted everything he said about doctrine as though it was from the mouth of God.

I don't remember for sure now, but James either bought and gave me my copies of the 1689 London Baptist Confession of Faith, as well as a book discussing Calvin's Institutes, or he provided me with the information on how to order them. But one thing is for sure, and no amount of James's historical-revisionism denials can change this fact: I read the 1689 Baptist Confession of Faith completely and carefully. I marked my Bible with the proof texts and cross references. I asked James questions about what this document contained. He answered my questions and others I had from reading sections of Calvin's Institutes, as well as James's book Drawn by the Father, which explains the Calvinist/Reformed view of predestination. Truth be told, back then, I was a disciple of James White. He instructed me in my Reformed Baptist beliefs.

But when it was time (as you can read here in the Out of Darkness Series and in my conversion story) for my family to choose a different church, he was reluctant for us to visit his little church. I could see that he enjoyed being there without any family entanglements, especially from our family, a family that was (and is) extremely dysfunctional, due mainly from the incenstuous sexual abuse my father perpetrated on me (which my mother knew of and remained silent about).

So I asked James what other church he would suggest I attend. He suggested I attend Northwest Community Church, because, as he stated, most of the elder board was Calvinist. In other words, they were Reformed, and he knew that I had been looking for a good Reformed Church, because James's instruction to me had led me to become an adherent of the 1689 Confession he held to. So, after leading us to the Reformed Baptist position, James recommended that I attend Northwest Community Church because he felt I would be "more compatible there" than at the Southern Baptist Church I had been attending. I spent several years at Northwest Community Church, until my conversion to the Catholic Church in 2001.

While there, I enjoyed the fellowship of others who espoused Calvinist beliefs. In fact, Diane, my counselor and the pastor who worked with us were both extremely Calvinist. About the time of my conversion to the Catholic Church, there was a migration of members from Northwest to another even more Calvinist church, including many of the folks I had been close to.

I understand that Northwest Community Church has since returned to a more moderate version of Protestant theology. But during my years as a member there, it was decidedly Calvinist and in agreement with the 1689 Confession.

I mention this simply because my brother now claims that I had never even read the 1689 Confession, much less owned a copy of it. This claim of his is completely false. I not only had a copy, I studied it closely, and my brother, James R. White Himself, explained its contents to me. Those are the facts, regardless of what revisionist-history version of events he's pedaling to his followers now.

Also, contrary to what James is now claiming, I had read key parts of Calvin's Institutes, and he (James) made a point of discussing with me his appreciation of what Calvin taught, as well as a few areas where he disagreed with some of Calvin's teachings (such as his belief in infant baptism, which James rejects). It seemed strange to me then that James would champion the theology of someone, John Calvin, he did not completely agree with. But then, that was before I realized that, as a fellow follower of Calvin, I had become just a part of a schism of a schism of a schism.

So, no, James, my dear brother, I was never a member of a Reformed Baptist Church. You were glad of that. You made sure of that. But I was Baptist, and then Reformed, and I became a member of the church that you yourself recommended I join because most of the elder board of that church was in agreement with your theology. You made me a Reformed Baptist. That is the fact, whether you are willing to admit it or not. You can't re-write history. I won't let you. Not when it's my history you're attempting to rewrite.

I'd like to address something that my brother alluded to in one of those uncharitable letters he sent early after hearing that I was becoming Catholic. He accused me of becoming Catholic in order to "hurt my parents," to "get their attention" somehow. I'd like to set the record straight here, too.

The repugnant sin that cripples my family has absolutely nothing to do with the Catholic Church. In fact, if we had been raised Catholic, I would have known that I had the right to blow the whistle on my father's sexual abuse against me and call the police. The Catholic Church has stood the test of time and will stand the test of time, and it will be here, loving and longing for Christ's return, when He comes in glory. Countless converts to the Catholic Church have recorded their reasons for becoming Catholic, and none of those reasons have anything to do with Patty and James White's father.

No. There is one primary reason that I became Catholic. I discovered that the Reformers were arrogant rebels who did violence to the Church Jesus established and rejected her. I discovered that if Christianity is historic, Christianity is Catholic. I discovered that those men I trust so much to have selected the very books I had seen as the sole rule of faith in my life were full-blooded Catholics. They were men of God who knew Him in the Eucharist, who honored the Saints and asked their intercession. They honored the Blessed Virgin Mary and asked her intercession and help. They would never have dreamed of running off willy nilly in rebellion against the Bishop of Rome. (Who on earth is Mother Rome anyway? Never heard of her.) They passed the relics of martyrs from diocese to diocese as Sacramentals. They faithfully guarded the Traditions that were passed down from the Apostles and never dreamed that someday people would believe that we were only bound by what was written down. They were Catholics! And you have trusted them all your life to have chosen the books you hold up as your only magisterium. When we were children we weren't even allowed to play with the children of people like that! But the early Church was Catholic! It was as Catholic as St Thomas the Apostle in Phoenix where I will venerate the cross with my family this evening.

I'll tell you what I saw in the little 5 x 4 screen this morning. I saw a man who is terrified of discovery. He is terrified that people will realize that he came from such dysfunction and that he has spent his whole ministry covering up for his father and denigrating his sister in order to save his own reputation. I saw a man who is fighting for his identity. Who believes that he is a champion of the Reformation. Who is too busy attacking others to realize he is defending an indefensible position. Too busy waging war to realize that anyone who takes an honest look at history can see that the Catholic Church IS the Church. That everything else is a perversion of what had always been and what was delivered by mouth to the Apostles. No honest person of integrity and intellect can look at history and not see this. There has to be some other reason to be so resistant to the truth.

I'll tell you what James White is fighting for. He's fighting for the honor of his father who dishonored his sister. He's fighting for the protection of his mother who abandoned his sister to his father and who will never find the peace she so desperately needs until the truth is out and dealt with by the grace of God. She desperately needs to know she has a Mother in heaven who loves her and wants her to know Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. He's fighting to protect his self image as a near genius. (His second grade teacher called us one evening and told my parents that his IQ score had been just shy of genius. Unfortunately for his soul, he was on the other line and heard it. I believe it might actually be the thing that costs him his soul if he's not careful.) He wants to be seen as a champion of the Reformation and of his parents. I just want them all to know that Jesus knows the truth and loves them anyway. That He wants to heal what the world and psychology says can't be healed. I want my brother delivered from his pride so that he can learn the humility of a Saint Francis who wanted to know nothing but Jesus. Yes, James, converts to the Catholic Church are converts to Christ. But they aren't converts to a truncated, distorted Christ. They are converts who learn that they can plunge into the ocean of His Divine Mercy. They are converts who almost without exception came home because they gave history an honest look and decided to abandon mother and father and reputation and their occupation and everything to follow Him. That's called discipleship. That's true conversion to Christ.

I beg you before God and man to stop persecuting the Church of God and take some time to be silent before Him. I beg you to put down your sword and allow God to silence your fears and show you the truth. But more than anything, I have begged and will beg my father to let the truth be known for the sake of his own soul and that of his wife and son. Life is brief at best. And I no longer believe in the kind of "grace" that just covers up sin and lets it sit there unaddressed. You may believe that you are forensically, legally declared righteous, but hidden sin like this does not enter heaven. Please, before it's too late, let God heal this family.

One more thing before I close. I did consider my brother's work before becoming Catholic. I've told him that but he would prefer to believe what he wants to believe. But the truth is that from where I stand, I have no interest in the teachings of someone who will not or cannot recognize the grace of God. If you can't see what God has done is making me whole from something that the world would tell you would never heal, then you are not spiritually alive enough to know truth when you see it. You may know Greek, you may know Hebrew, but you don't know the amazing work of God in a heart who will abandon all else to know and love Him. So for me, you can argue all you want, I know sharp Catholic apologists out there who can defend everything you try to tear down. But the thing that disqualifies you as a representative of truth is your spiritual blindness. Open your eyes, James. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God.

Out of Darkness ~ The Big Red “M”

As a child in grade school, junior high and high school, I felt as though I carried a hug red “M” for molested on my chest. I felt as though the other kids could look at me and tell that I was molested. I felt different from everyone else. I was afraid to get too close to anyone because I felt if they got to know me they would most definitely know there was something different about me.

Because of my father’s sin, I developed a very twisted self image. I saw myself as an object of someone else’s pleasure. This self image made all the other relationships in my life different than they would have been if I had had a healthy upbringing. It affected many life decisions in my adult life.

We all carry with us a self identity which we have spent our lives compiling and editing as we grow and as we collect life experiences. Psychology tells us that our childhood is when the major construction of this identity takes place. As adults we either work off the model we were given as children or we modify that model through purposeful changes in attitude, successful or unsuccessful ventures, input from others, or therapy. While it is difficult to alter a negative self image received from an abusive childhood, it is definitely not impossible. Conversely, it is unlikely that a healthy self image received in childhood will be significantly altered by negative adult experience, though that, too, is not impossible.

Whether you are a subscriber to the theories found in psychology or not, you have a self image. You have a concept of who you are, what your virtues and vices are, what you are good at, what you struggle with, whether you are intelligent, artsy, analytical, lazy, organized, popular or a failure. And while psychology gives us a good definition of self image and a good description of how self image is developed, it doesn’t have all the answers as to how to modify self image.

Previously in the Out of Darkness series, I discussed how my image of God changed as I experienced forgiveness and healing through forgiveness of the offender and through confession of my own sin. When I learned to follow Christ no matter how painful the pathway, I learned that He was always faithful and that He always had my best interest in mind. This led to a change in my image of God.

But who was I? Was I still that little girl with the big red “M” on her chest? Was I an object? Was I dependant of my parents’ approval to make my own decisions and act independently of their control? Was I bruised fruit? Was I unworthy of being loved because of what happened to me?

It’s not enough to eradicate the sin or the error. Leaving a void only invites more problems. That void needs to be filled with truth and virtue. I didn’t really understand that at the time. I knew I saw myself as very damaged and wondered if I would ever “be normal.” But God knew that I needed to be taught to see myself differently.

Diane taught me that if my self image depended on anything other than who I was to God, I would always be vulnerable to the attitudes of others or the circumstances of life. For instance, if I depended on what my spouse thought of me, or on what I could achieve in business, or my appearance, I was always vulnerable to changes or errors in those things. Like a super model whose face is disfigured in an accident, or an athlete who injures themselves before the big race and cannot compete, or a wife who is rejected by a resentful husband, I would always be in danger of having my self image destroyed.

The one thing I learned I could count on was the love of my heavenly Father. I was a daughter of God. I was the unworthy recipient of His unrelenting love for me. I was His! No matter what happened in life, that was the one thing that no person or circumstance could take from me. I was the object of His pure, holy love.

That took a while for Him to form in me. I had to lay aside many other distractions that competed for the core position in my self image. After all, we all are many things. I am a mother, an employee of the State of Arizona, a Grandmother, an avowed layperson, a Scottish-Irish American, a writer, etc. But while those are aspects of my life, what I am is a treasured daughter of God. Nothing can shake that. But keeping my focus there is a constant struggle. When something goes well in my life, it’s a challenge not to start to see myself as something extraordinary. When something goes wrong in my life, it’s easy to fall into despair and see myself as a failure or to return to a former view of myself. But as I walk with the Lord each day, my aim is to keep my focus on what is real and solid. I am His, and He is mine.

The History of the Catholic Church

If you can't read this chart, click it. It will take you to the jumbo version. Now I ask you, where are those Reformed Baptists? Do you see what I mean?

Satan is the author of confusion my friend. And if you think that truth is found only in some cross pollinated group the resulted from all that confusion and schism, then your God must either be subject to the whims and fancies of the vast majority of people or he's keeping his truth for a select number of very special people who have the "knowledge" to understand his ways. . . oh wait, that's gnosticism.

The God of the Bible spoke the worlds into being, controlled the raging evil of the nations so as to safely deliver His Son to the Cross in order to ransom the souls of men and women. He bestowed His authority to the Apostles who He left in charge to receive and protect His Word by pen and by mouth in order to preserve His Bride, His Church, the Catholic Church, holy and spotless and true regardless of the evil influences that have tried to infiltrate, attack, berate, denigrate, discount and destroy her.

I choose to believe He can do all of that and that He did. Count me in that straight line from the Lord Jesus Christ to right here and now in the Holy Catholic Church.

"This life is not easy. But it is not the only life,"

Join me in praying for the faithful in Italy who are doing their best to celebrate Holy Week while recovering from a terrible earthquake. Click the photo for the story.

Sure, Moses can part the sea ... but Papa Benny can part the sea of people!

If You're From County Cork, Ireland . . .

and if you know my friends Ger and Terry Scanlon from Mallow, please give them my love and tell them to drop me an email! I ask because I have frequent guests from County Cork. Cork is a slice of heaven that fell to earth. It's been a long time since I was there, but I can still feel the soft grass and see the green. Sigh . . .

St. Peregrine Chapel in Mesa

My Spiritual Director, Father Steve Kunkel, and his Parish are constructing an Adoration Chapel honoring St. Peregrine the Patron Saint of Cancer victims. Father Steve has made a study of religious art and I am sure this chapel is going to be absolutely beautiful. I have seen a statue of Our Lady that he had made, and it is exquisite.

What struck me first about Father Steve was his reverence for the Eucharist and his passion for the Priesthood and the historical Church. Anywhere he goes he seeks to bring glory to Christ through his ministry and through art.

I am keeping tabs on the progress of the St. Peregrine Chapel here on my blog in the list of my favorite blogs. If you live anywhere near Mesa, Arizona, you'll want to come see it when it is finished. I know it will be a holy place that will bring glory to the Lord of Lords.

The Four Witnesses

I just finished reading The Four Witnesses - The Early Church in her own words. I owned a copy of this book several years ago, but I was in a back and forth with an ex-Catholic who was a Bible toting, Protestant, self proclaimed 'teacher of the word" and before I left the agency he was with, I gave him my copy before I got through the first chapter. Pray with me that he reads it with an open mind and a willingness to be corrected.

But recently I rebought the book and finally got around to reading it. I'm glad I finally got around to it. It's not only a beautiful narration of the lives and ministries for four of the Early Church Fathers, it also contains a very useful mini-catechism that demonstrates that current Catholic teaching is a mirror image of the teaching of the Early Church. I have always used the phrase that the Catechism of the Catholic Church is like a modern language version of the writings of the Early Church Fathers. Anyone who can't see that is trying not to see it.

Almost without exception, all the stories of conversion to the Catholic Church that I have heard or read have occurred because of the obvious consistency of Catholic teaching from the earliest days of the Church to the present day.

Rod Bennett describes his conversion in a manner that sounds so similar to my own. He discussed how difficult it was to alienate those he loved and to start over in another faith community. Those who think we do this on a lark because we love the smell of incense can't begin to imagine how difficult it is. Bennett says, "As for me, I can say only that God Himself provided the strength that I could not have mustered. But when that faith finally came, it came with the power of a resurrection - I felt young again. when I finally let go of my thoughtless suspicions, when I finally looked at the Catholic Church with the eyes of a child rather than with those of prejudice, I cried out with King David: 'I was glad when they said unto me, let us go into the House of the Lord!" (Ps 122:1 KJV)

Bennett picked my two favorite Early Church Fathers: Ignatius of Antioch and Justin Martyr. These two fellows did the follow up work that St. Patrick started in my life. He also picked Clement of Rome and Irenaeus of Lyons. Irenaeus definitely foresaw the chaos of Protestantism coming as he struggled with the heresies of his time. Unfortunately, his fears have been realized as the Body of Christ has been torn asunder by schism. But while his fears have been realized his faith in the authority of the Catholic Church was also well founded. Christ has been faithful to keep His Bride pure, even though the goats are usually the ones quoted or reported on on CNN.

Bennett includes a prayer that St. Irenaeus wrote in his work "Against Heresies around 188 A.D. I think it expresses the heart of most Catholic Apologists. I know it expresses my heart's cry:

[I] pray that these men may not remain in the pit which they themselves have dug, but [that they may] . . . stand away from the void, and relinquish the shadow; and that they, being converted to the Church of God, may be lawfully begotten, and that Christ may be formed in them, and that they may know the Framer and Maker of this universe, the only true God and Lord of all. We pray for these things on their behalf, loving them better than they seem to love themselves. For our love, inasmuch as it is true, is salutary to them, if they will but receive it. It may be compared to the severe remedy, extirpating the proud and sloughing flesh [off] a wound; for it puts an end to their pride and haughtiness. Wherefore it shall not weary us, to endeavour with all our might to stretch out the hand unto them."

I love the way Bennett closes the book with a prayer:

"You holy men of God - disciples of the Apostles, now glorified and reigning with them in heaven - pray, I entreat you, for us poor sinners still on earth. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen."

With My Own Hands

As some of you may know, I'm a single mom. My daughter and her children live with me half of the time. We both work for the state of Arizona. Recently, because of a huge budget deficit, our division decided rather than laying off a number of employees, they would mandate a 10% pay decrease across the board. That translates into a more than 10% decrease because of standard deductions we all have. So needless to say, this little family is feeling the economic crunch up close and person.


So one day I was cleaning my room and noticed my bead box up on the closet shelf. I used to make beaded jewelery for fun. I had tried a few times to sell my work, but didn't have any luck. I took the box down thinking that it might be fun to make some things. I realized that I had quite a number of earrings made already and bagged for sale. So I took them to work in the little basket and set them in the lunch room with a note on them to pay me if they wanted any. That was a month ago and I can't keep up with the demand. It also feels good to make something that others enjoy. I'm having a lot of fun with it.


So I decided that I might expand the business to my on line friends and see how it goes. I took a rosary making class recently and I plan on branching out soon to more beaded products. I also went through my book shelf recently and realized I have some books I don't need. So I have decided to start a new blog site and call it something like "Patty's Beads and Books." I'll let you know when I launch it.


Meantime, I was thinking about asking you all to consider sponsoring my blog site. It costs me about $40 a month to be on line. If you would like to help me defray some of that expense, I have a paypal link in the margin. Please pray about helping out. Even $5 a month will help me stay on line.


But far more than the cost of being on line is the need for the Lord to be the one that makes this all worth while for folks. You don't need to hear from me. My words out in cyber space are meaningless unless they are inspired and empowered by the Holy Spirit. If you would pledge to pray that every time I approach my laptop I cooperate with the grace of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit to write what He wants me to write and nothing that He doesn't, please look along the margin and sign up as a follower. It costs nothing but it lets me know that folks are praying. More than that, it reaps eternal results in the hearts of others. The emails I receive are precious proof of that.


God bless you all for being there and for allowing me to share the amazing grace of God with you.

Repent While You Have The Chance

I have this little gadget that tells me when people stop by this blog, how they find it and whether or not they leave via one of the links I post. Most of the time it's very interesting to see. It lets me know when people are making use of the information I put on this blog. It also allows me to see how people find this blog.

I am occasionally appalled and sickened to find that people come to this blog by searching for child pornography. Apparently "Abba's Little Girl" comes up when they are looking for pictures of little girls. My reaction is made more virulent by my own background, I am sure. But let the record show: IF YOU ARE HERE SEEKING TO EXPLOIT YOUNG GIRLS, YOU ARE IN DANGER OF LOSING YOUR SOUL, AND YOU'RE DEFINITELY ON THE WRONG WEB SITE!

More From Judge Roy Moore

OUR AMERICAN BIRTHRIGHT

By Circuit Judge Roy S. Moore

July, 1998

One nation under God was their cry and declaration,

Upon the law of Nature's God they built a mighty Nation.

For unlike mankind before them who had walked this earthen sod,

These men would never question the Sovereignty of God.

That all men were "created" was a truth "self-evident,

"To secure the rights God gave us was the role of government.

And if any form of government became destructive of this end,

It was their right, their duty, a new one to begin.

So with a firm reliance on Divine Providence for protection,

They pledged their sacred honor and sought His wise direction.

They lifted an appeal to God for all the world to see,

And declared their independence forever to be free.

I'm glad they're not here with us to see the mess we're in,

How we've given up our righteousness for a life of indulgent sin.

For when abortion isn't murder and sodomy is deemed a right,

Then evil is now called good and darkness is now called light.

While truth and law were founded on the God of all Creation,

Man now, through law, denies the truth and calls it "separation.

"No longer does man see a need for God when he's in full control,

For the only truth self-evident is in the latest poll.

But with man as his own master we fail to count the cost,

Our precious freedoms vanish and our liberty is lost.

Children are told they can't pray and they teach them evolution,

When will they learn the fear of God is the only true solution.

Our schools have become the battleground while all across the land,

Christians shrug their shoulders afraid to take a stand.

And from the grave their voices cry the victory has been won.

Just glorify the Father as did His only Son.

When your work on earth is done, and you've traveled where we've trod,

You'll leave the land we left to you, ONE NATION UNDER GOD!

© Roy S. Moore

Circuit Judge

July, 1998

Catholics Coming Home in Phoenix

I found this article on the Our Sunday Visitor site. I've been so grateful for the efforts of all those involved in this project. You simply must check out the videos as well. They are enough to make you want to go through RCIA all over again. Well, maybe just make you very thankful to be Catholic.