Jacob Is Almost Six Months Old!

It seems like last week this little dude came into the world.  He's such a joy.

Credit Where Credit is Due

I just want to make sure that my readers know that I share short meditations and quotes from two sources in particular.  One is from a daily email that comes out of Franciscan University.  It is usually a quote from a Catholic author and it is followed by their name and the name of the work that the quote is from. 

The other is a daily meditation that comes from Journey of Hope, which is an apostolate for divorced Catholics.  I have their website on my margin with the picture of their book titled "Divorced, Catholic, Now What?"  This apostolate was of great help to me during my own divorce and they send out meditations I feel are helpful to all of us.  You can tell those meditations from anything I write because it is always followed by a by line with their web address.

Just wanted to give credit where credit is due.

Forgiving Ourselves

Even after confessing our sins and being resolved of those sins - wiping the slate clean in God's eyes - often we can't let go of the guilt and shame of our sin. We aren't always able to forgive ourselves because we are reluctant to believe we are worthy of the depth of love that elicits forgiveness. In essence, we don't believe we are worthy of love or mercy or forgiveness because we don't see ourselves through the eyes of Christ. Brothers and sisters, gaze at the Crucifix! Do you believe that Jesus Christ died for the souls of others, but not yours? What can you possibly do to offend Him and not be forgiven if you repent and confess your sins? If God can forgive you, how is it that you cannot forgive yourself? Are you greater than He? More complicated, more sophisticated? Perhaps you believe you know yourself better than He knows you.

Jesus died so that you and I might catch a faint glimpse of the depth of His love for us and begin to understand our worthiness in His eyes. Lift Him high and look up in hope and gratitude - and know that you are forgiven.

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us". Psalms 103:12

Daily Journey of Hope messages are brought to you by DivorcedCatholic.org.

Pray for Melanie Pritchard

Please return to prayer for Melanie Pritchard.  She is not out of the woods yet.  She is battling an infection.  She has been on medication now for several days and it doesn't seem to be working.  The Lord spared her from medical disasters that no one should have lived through.  Let's pray her to a full recovery.

LaRouche supporter assaulted by Alaska State Fair Security

I fully expect to see this become common place if we don't vote Obama and every politician of his bent in the next two years. I'm stone cold serious folks.

Update:

In all fairness, it should be known that this was private property and that there were other circumstances that made it a much better idea for this guy to rent a booth and promote his agenda there.  We are called to be wise AND gentle.  I think in the interest of gentleness this was not the best way to protest the slick invasion of socialism that we are seeing in our country.  This guy needs to study Ghandi a while I guess.

My New Friend, Donna

Click here to meet a lady who is truly a trophy of God's grace.  This is why I changed the whole emphasis of my Out of Darkness series.  There are so many stories of God's healing love.  God heals as individually as He creates.  I was so very blessed by Donna's story.  Check it out.

STOP KILLING CHALDEAN CHRISTIANS IN IRAQ

Not For Spiritiual Reasons?

I read a comment on a blog this evening that was written by a Baptist who obviously knows nothing of the Catholic faith.  He wrote that if indeed I became a Catholic I obviously didn't do it for spiritual reasons.  My dear friend, I would invite you to read my conversion story.  The link to it is in the right margin----}

I pray that you will also discover the historic, biblical and spiritual reasons for coming home to Christ's Church.

Melanie Pritchard Says Thank You

Mom thanks Mercy Gilbert team that saved her during delivery

How to Open A Book...

Why Me?

"“Life himself came down to be slain; Bread came down to suffer hunger; the Way came down to endure weariness on his journey; the Fountain came down to experience thirst. Do you, then, refuse to work and to suffer?” St. Augustine of Hippo

Mike Aquilina
Why Me? When Bad Things Happen, Our Sunday Visitor Publishing Division"

Psalm 100 by Justin Stroh

Finding Strength in the Cross

It is not surprising that Jesus fell down three times under the weight of the cross and the pain of His wounds as He walked to Calvary. But what is incredible is the fact that He got up - THREE TIMES! His love for us is what enabled Him to wipe away the blood that was dripping into His eyes, embrace the cross, and get back on His feet. Jesus probably used that huge wooden cross as leverage as He was getting up... a significant point to reflect upon.

Suffering can be a springboard to a new and higher level of living. Contrary to what society tells us about suffering and how we need to avoid it at all costs, it is a cleansing and renewing process that changes your life for the better, if you allow it to. Your cross is heavy and painful, difficult to handle, but it can prop you up, too. Contemplate Christ on the road to Calvary... the beatings from the soldiers, the trail of blood, the falls... His motivation was love for us!

Try to offer your suffering up for someone you love and ask Jesus to give you the grace to persevere.

...but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation. 1 Peter 4:13

Daily Journey of Hope messages are brought to you by DivorcedCatholic.org.

Taking The Box To The Cross

If you read "The Box" which I posted last night, you know that it's been a rough week and that as Satan often does when you attempt to speak the truth, I've been facing some opposition recently. 

I was really struggling as I left this morning for Mass.  I have been very angry about this situation and have found myself wrestling with some very uncharitable attitudes.  I came into the Lord's Presence at Church and could feel the conflict right away.  I begged the Lord to help me regain my perspective and find a way to forgive the people involved in this thing.  I find it amazing how quickly we can lose our perspective when life deals us a blow.  It makes me realize that the only way the Saints, especially the martyrs were able to endure suffering with such grace was entirely by the grace of God given at that moment.  Suffering will reduce us to our lowest level of maturity quickly outside of our complete dependence on the grace of God.

So here is this "expert" on forgiveness, sitting in Church, trying to remember why she should forgive these people who have offended her.  Well, if you ask for God help to do what is right, just wait a second, His grace will be there in a flash!  Instantly the Lord's response was "for me, Patty.  Do it for me."  I remembered His sorrowful passion and what He endured for the love of me and I remembered how and why to forgive.  Not because the offenders deserve it or have asked for it or because it will bring warm fuzzy feelings, but because my Lord suffered so much to be able to forgive them Himself!  He gave Himself to rescue them from the very sin I think I have a right to be torqued about! 

So, as my dear friend Theresa from Alberta said, "For the sake of His Sorrowful Passion, Lord, have mercy of them and on the whole world." For love of You, I forgive.

Islam's Public Enemy Number 1

I've had this video on before, but in honor of President Obama's endorsement of the Ground Zero Mosque, I'd like to offer the Christian alternative to the Islamization of the United States. The Church must say NO and must live and share their faith.

The Box

I'm still trying to process the events of the last week.  Writing is the most useful tool I've found to sort out experiences and try to get God's perspective on things.  Prayer is actually the most powerful tool to change my vantage point on things.  I'm a little concerned that I haven't had enough time to pray this through before blogging about this, but I've hit a bit of an impasse and I think this is the way to move forward. 

Last Sunday evening I got an email from my father's email address.  My heart leaped into my throat when I got the text notification.  Could it possibly be that he was finally going to meet with me and make peace?  Was this the long awaited day of reconciliation?  I had to wait until I got home to read the email.  It was from a woman who had been taking care of my parents for about ten years now.  If you read my conversion story, she was the former Catholic who was in the room the day my mother discovered my crucifix.  My mother had been very clear with me that she was like a daughter to her and that if anything should happen to either of them, that this woman was to have all the rights of a daughter.  I was fine with that.  I had also established close relationships with folks who were as close as family to me.  I wasn't offended in the least.

The thought had even crossed my mind, that knowing my father as I do, he might marry this woman if he lived long enough to court her. I even told my daughters that I predicted that would happen.

My brother had told me a few months back that this lady was gathering things together that she felt my mother would want me to have.  My mother had talked many times about things she had that she wanted me or my daughters to have.  My mother loves nick-nacks.  She had a collection of clocks and figurines.  She had a number of very "girly" things that she talked about passing along to me, my girls and my niece.  I was certain that these desires had been passed along to this lady to carry out in the event of her death.

I waited patiently to hear from this lady, but I hadn't expected to hear from her via my father's email address.  She stated that she was going to bring a box of things my mother had set aside for me.  We arranged to meet at my house later in the week. 

That evening came and this lady pulled up in her car and opened her trunk.  There was a bankers box in the trunk.  As I was lifting the box from the trunk she was talking very nervously about my parents and how much she had loved then and how much she had done for them.  I had always appreciated how well she had cared for my parents.  Since I knew I could not have been in their presence very long before strife would have broken out, I was glad that someone was there for them.

Then she nervously told me that she was married to my father.  That she would take care of him till he died.  I don't remember much after that.  It's all kind of fuzzy from there on.  I know my expression changed.  I could feel my body get kind of heavy like a terrible fatigue had swept over me. I remember asking her about several pieces of jewelery that my mother had had.  She mumbled something about her or her daughter having them.  The woman grew more and more uncomfortable and I just wanted to be far from the situation.

I walked back to the house with the box and told the girls I had been right; they were indeed married.  I opened the box and started looking through the things that I had been told my mother set aside for me.  First of all I realized that none of the "girly" things we had talked about were there.  I also realized that there was nothing there that I even recognized.  It was refuse left after what had been my mother's personal treasures were all taken.  My Grandsons nabbed the little plastic donkey that was in the jewelery box where she used to keep her favorite rings.

I decided this was an experience I needed to have alone, so I took the rest of the box to my room.  As I looked at each item I realized that this box had been used to contain every picture, card, poem, note, or refrigerator magnet I had ever given my mother.  It was a place to put everything that reminded her of me or my children.  It was the box from the back of the closet that held my memory and kept it out of view.

I cried.  I cried and I got angry. 

I sat in my room for a while and just poured my heart out to the Lord.  It was family night at our house, so all the girls were here and all the Grandkids.  I was missing out on the festivities, but I really wasn't in the right frame of mind.  The girls gave me space.  Then Sarah came in the sat on my bed.  I could see she was hurting for me.  She started by saying she needed to seek my forgiveness for something she had done.

She told me she had used my cell to call this lady and tell her what she thought of how her mom was being treated.  Not the most charitable thing to do, but definitely an expression of righteous indignation and defense of her mom.  I was touched.  Apparently all the girls wanted to make the call and she was the one who made the first move.

In the days that  have followed, I have grieved anew for my mother.  On one hand I have been angry at which ever woman; my mother or this other woman; had boxed my relationship with my mother and shut it away from sight.  On the other hand I have been furious that my mother had only been dead a few months when he remarried someone my mother had considered a daughter.  I feel like Sarah did - "how dare you denigrate my mother like this." 

I feel very sad for my mom.  She was an abused child.  She married a man who put her in a position of either sending her safe, secure marriage into upheaval by defending her daughter or securing her safety by betraying her daughter.  She had not known her own mother because of her untimely death, and now she could not know her own daughter because of her husband's selfishness.  She had an entire novel full of frightful experiences as a child and young woman.  It really was a wonder she functioned day to day at all.  And now, before the grass has even grown over her grave, her "daughter" marries her husband and helps herself to all that goes along with that.

So you can see I have some things to work through.  Again, I need to go to my Abba and ask His help in forgiving those who have so gravely offended me and the memory of my mother.  I know He will see me through that process. 

Meantime, I will work on getting back to the subject of masturbation and it's devastating affects on the human body and soul.  I've been reading Katrina Zeno's book and it has been amazing.  What an instrument of grace JP2 was to us.  In this very disordered situation I find myself in, I ask his intercession for peace and healing and for the grace to share those things with others.

DON'T TRAVEL IN AMERICA--IT'S TOO DANGEROUS 7-19-2010

It's not about those who come here to support their families. It's about rampant crime and a total loss of control over part of the United States. Our pathetic Federal Government would rather fight those of us who live where it's not safe than to help us. Shame on them. Shame on their communist leader.

Tell Satan to Take a Hike!!

The devil knows our weaknesses and when you go through a divorce, it only creates more opportunity for him to attack us. He takes advantage of our loneliness, depression, anger and frustration. The devil does not want you to be happy or turn to God in your time of need, so be assured he is working hard to convince you that your situation is hopeless. He wants you to believe that living a good life is just too difficult, that there is no hope for happiness unless you follow the way of the world, and that you are an outcast in your Church. But FEAR NOT!!! As a baptized Catholic you have grace in your soul and Satan cannot compete with that. You always have the upper hand, because God has given you His grace. So, don't believe in the devil's lies and empty promises! Trust in God, for He will deliver you! Have faith in what you know is right and PRAY! And tell Satan to TAKE A HIKE!!

Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men. Matthew 16:23

Daily Journey of Hope messages are brought to you by DivorcedCatholic.org.

Tornado

The 8th Sacrament

Your daily Journey of Hope message for Thursday, August 19, 2010.

The only thing that can bring true and lasting healing from the wounds of divorce is God's grace. We receive healing grace through the sacraments and other instruments the Holy Spirit chooses to use. One of those instruments is the Catholic annulment process. Many people refer to it as the 8th sacrament because of it's healing nature. Although it is not a sacrament, it should be approached in the same manner, with humility and openness to God's will. By detaching ourselves from our personal desires and expectations, we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us and those involved with the annulment process to determine the truth of what happened and provide the certainty we need to lay the past to rest and move into a new phase of life.

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:5

Daily Journey of Hope messages are brought to you by DivorcedCatholic.org.

John Michael Talbot - Healer Of My Soul - Quiet Reflections Part 9

John Michael Talbot - 'Only in God'

Managing Anger

Your daily Journey of Hope message for Tuesday, August 17, 2010.

Anger is deceiving. It's an emotion that can make you believe it's worth hanging on to. It's powerful, it's demanding, it overwhelms you in a moment's notice. While it is a God-given emotion, one that Christ, himself, certainly felt as a human being, it is an emotion to be mastered. Many people become slaves to their anger and live lives full of bitterness and anxiety because they do not master their anger. But becoming a slave to your emotions makes you a victim and then it becomes difficult to live a happy and fulfilled life. Feeling angry is not bad or wrong... but it's how you act upon that anger that could cause you more suffering, stress, and grief.

Journaling is an excellent way to begin managing your feelings of anger. Writing out, word for word, how you feel and why you feel that way becomes not only a cathartic exercise, but a prayer, if you choose to make it that. Your anger will dissipate and eventually disappear if you release your grip on it, let it flow through and let go of it.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23

Daily Journey of Hope messages are brought to you by DivorcedCatholic.org.

Pray For Little Tina

Please pray for a little girl, 4 years old, who was discovered to have a brain tumor a couple of days ago.  She is being prepared for surgery in order to biopsy this tumor.  Lord have mercy of the little ones who suffer.  Hold them in your arms.

Ave Maria - Schubert Classical guitar

Where Out Of Darkness is Going

I'm working on this manuscript that I've been wrestling with for about two years now.  It's huge and probably wordier than it needs to be.  But what is really making it difficult to pull together is that God continually rewrites the ending.  When I began, my mother was alive.  I still had hopes of reconciliation with at least her. She's gone now and that door has closed; at least for now.


When I started writing the Out of Darkness series my goal was to bring a discipleship process I had experienced as a Protestant to the Catholic world. I see so much hurt and destruction as a result of the sexual abuse scandals that have ravaged the Church. It makes my heart ache when I see victims who are still in such pain and have not found peace and reconciliation with the Catholic Church. So often the only help they find, which isn't really much help at all, is in secular psychology where God is left out or redefined. I had hopes of seeing this process become available at the parish level where victims could come to a weekend retreat and find healing.

 But as I wrote and received feedback from Catholics, I learned that there were so many out there who had found the same healing grace I had, but in very different ways. They had learned to forgive because Catholics are taught that forgiveness is not optional, but necessary for the salvation of their own souls. We have great teachers like St. Maria Goretti who forgave on her death bed and who prayed her own assailant to Sainthood. And we have Saint Faustina who taught us about the mercy of God and how we need to pray for God's mercy even for those who are the vilest of sinners. We have Saint Dymphna who prayed for her own father who murdered her because she would not marry him. Abuse, abusers, victims and the redemptive grace of God have been around for centuries without the three step plan I was so eager to bring to the Catholic world!

 Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that I don't think that the methodology I experience would not be a great vehicle for healing in the Catholic community today. But I have been humbled and amazed by how deeply these steps have been woven into the Catholic faith from the beginning. I guess that shouldn't be so shocking. The principles that brought me healing were biblical and the Bible is a Catholic book. But it has been a life changing experience to see how Catholics have lived out those truths for 2000 years now.
So my emphasis has changed in what I want to write. That will mean a lot of editing and rewriting.
And then along the way, I decided that I needed to address the masturbation issue since that was the central focus of my own struggle. My able and tireless research assistant has been filling my in box with resources that could create a whole separate work of that subject! So I will need to weave that info into the manuscript as well.

 I have to say that for the past several years I have been saying that the Theology of the Body that JP2 brought us is the key to healing of not only sexual abuse, but to the healing of the world. I am reading a book by Katrina Zeno called, "The Body Reveals God." Thank God for people who can predigest JP2's writings and make them available to folks like me. He was such a genius and such a Godly man. To understand the Theology of the Body is to truly understand all of salvation history. Christianity has always been an incarnational reality. Protestantism has separated the body from the soul and we are reaping the horrendous results in our culture.

 OK, I need to get off the soap box and get some work done. I just wanted to express what's been cooking in my heart and mind of late. 

Donor dies after live liver transplant at CU Hospital - KDVR

Donor dies after live liver transplant at CU Hospital - KDVR

May Eternal Light shine on him and may he rest in peace. God bless his widow and carry her through this in His own arms. May God be a Father to his sons and help Ryan's wife raise them to love the Lord.

Please pray for this family. Thanks all.

Be Lord Of My Life

"“The person who believes in Christ lives by faith. We say, ‘Jesus, you are the living Son of God. Be Lord of my life. Let me be crucified with you. I’m through trying to get what I need from this sinful world. Money, material possessions, power, success, approval – these things don’t give me meaning or energy. My life comes from you alone.’”

Fr. Francis Martin
The Life Changer, St. Bede’s Publications"

Avoid Becoming a Victim

Your daily Journey of Hope message for Wednesday, August 12, 2010.

Gratitude is crucial to the healing process. Avoid self-pity, a major stumbling block to finding gratitude. Having a victim mentality is a slippery slope... sometimes we allow righteous anger to turn into victimization which is detrimental to the healing process and anti-peace. Victims are created when anger is fostered and cultivated. Although a natural reaction to being betrayed by a spouse, righteous anger must eventually take a back seat to mercy, forgiveness and patience.

But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. Matthew 6:15

Daily Journey of Hope messages are brought to you by DivorcedCatholic.org.

Hidden Blessings

Your daily Journey of Hope message for Tuesday, August 10, 2010.

Remember, as a child on Christmas morning, searching behind the Christmas tree, hoping to find more gifts? You can do the same when you are suffering. Look behind your cross for hidden gifts... blessings you don't readily recognize. Have you come closer to Christ as a result of your divorce? Was there an abusive behavior tearing the family apart that has now ceased since your ex-spouse left? Are you now free to live your faith to the fullest, whereas you were held back from that during your marriage? There probably are many hidden gifts behind the cross that are waiting to be discovered...

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

Daily Journey of Hope messages are brought to you by DivorcedCatholic.org.

For more resources visit DivorcedCatholic.org.

Be Who You Are

Facebook: "“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”-- Dr. Seuss"

Perfect in the Eyes of God

Your daily Journey of Hope message for Monday, August 9, 2010.

Divorce can make you feel unwanted, unlovable, and ashamed of your human imperfections and failures. But God does not see you this way. He sees His beloved in all the beauty and glory of His creation. Ask God, then, to reveal to you the gifts He's given you that you are unaware of. Maybe you have hidden talents that you've never used before. Ask Him to bring all this to light for you, that you may find your new purpose in life, refreshment, and renewal.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Daily Journey of Hope messages are brought to you by DivorcedCatholic.org.
For more resources visit DivorcedCatholic.org.

Urgen Prayers for a Little 22 mo. Boy

Facebook Lee Stoddard: "Lee Stoddard In Illinois: Posting for a friend of a friend -Janet James - her 22month old son shot himself in the chest with a brad nailer, it went in his heart, he is in critical condition not doing good, neither is mom. Please start a prayer chain for mother and son. Copy this to keep it going.....please!!!!!!!!!!!about an h...our ag"

Touched By The Fire

"'So it is worthwhile to let ourselves be touched by the fire of the Holy Spirit! The suffering that it causes us is necessary for our transformation. It is the reality of the cross: It is not for nothing that in the language of Jesus “fire” is above all a representation of the cross, without which Christianity does not exist.'

Pope Benedict XVI
Homily of Pentecost 2010"

Masturbation - A Satanic Stronghold Part 2

After writing my article on masturbation, I decided that I wanted to send it to my parents. For me, it was my way of confronting the sinful practice they had encouraged me in and declaring my independence from their distorted view of right and wrong. I didn’t expect the article to get a warm reception, but I really didn’t expect what I got.


My daughters and I were home one morning doing our homeschooling. My mother came to the door looking like she was on a mission. I let her in the house and she took over. She shooed my daughters into the back bedroom, shoving one of them in before closing the door. I was standing in the kitchen praying silently for all I was worth. I knew this was the confrontation that had been brewing for months since my visit to their home to seek their forgiveness and since my article had arrived at their home. I had known it was coming eventually and I knew I would not get through it without crying and shaking unless God was my strength and shield.

She started her discussion by shoving a photo copied article in my hands. It was from some evangelical former minister or counselor. He was expounding on the virtues of masturbation in the life of those without a legitimate sexual outlet. I drew in a sigh and let it out slowly so as to calm my nerves.

I set the article down on the dining room table and she launched.

“What do you want from us?” She screamed in a whisper. I asked what she meant because it seemed a strange segue from the article. “What do you want from us? Do you want money, our ruin, or reputation? What are you after?”

I took a second to think and then said, “I want our family to know the healing I have known personally.”

At that point the whisper disappeared and she started talking in a normal voice. I guess she had forgotten that she didn’t want the girls to hear what she was saying because our house was only 1300 square feet and there was no such thing as privacy. I had held off explaining my father’s sin to them because of their ages, but I figured after this visit I was going to have to explain things.

From there the conversation became very confusing. She vacillated between saying she was sorry this had happened to me to saying she thought I was an unreliable witness and that she didn’t believe me. She said something about how I had made an error in describing one of the houses we lived in when I told my story to my brother. So because they felt I didn’t remember the floor plan of the house, I must not know whether or not my father had violated me. She also quarreled with my stating to my brother that there had been some 3000 nights of my life that I had gone through this nightmare. Her response was “what about nights when he was on business trips or you were sick.”

At this point I think I was a bit stunned. She wanted to know if I had accounted for sick days and business trips. Actually, I had. Ten years times 365 days comes out to 3650. I figured that 650 probably covered the trips and the sick days. But what if it had only been once? Wasn’t that horrendous enough?

But I didn’t have much time to make my case on that point because she was off on something else. My mind could barely handle trying to respond to her racing accusations and controlling my learned response to fight or flight in the face of one of her rages. So for the most part, I stood or sat quietly and tried to remain calm. She wasn’t listening anyway.

Her voice had escalated into a high pitched scream by this time and I was certain that not only had the girls heard the whole discussion but that the neighbors were likely to call the police soon. I mentioned that as a possibility and she started for the door. She screamed all the way to her car parked in the street in front of the house. I guess she had not vented enough though and she continued to scream all the way back into the house. I was still standing in the dining room holding onto the Lord for dear life when she reappeared in the house.

She then ran in and out of the house a total of three times screaming at the top of her lungs about how she didn’t believe me and how I was messed up and any of a dozen other issues that made very little sense really. Finally after the third trip to her car, she actually got in and raced away.

God had been faithful. I didn’t start shaking like a leaf in the wind until she had driven away. The girls were OK and I told them we would talk about this later when I had had time to think it through. I hugged them because I realized how without a mother or father I was. I cherished the relationship I had with my daughters and knew that I would have given my life to protect any of them if anyone had tried to harm or molest them.

But what had caused such a volatile reaction from a simple article about how I didn’t believe that masturbation was a virtuous act? Many Christians believe the same thing. Why was it such an explosive issue to my mother?

I believe that masturbation is a satanic stronghold that was established in my family long before this conversation in the dining room. My father not only instructed me in the art, he had praised me for engaging in it. He would talk about it with the same sweet expression on his face he had when he talked about the gospel. Was he really so naive that he thought such a selfish act was moral? Had his conscience been so ill formed that he had no clue that what he was teaching me was destroying my life?

I really don’t believe that is the case. I have several clues to why I believe that even my father knew what he was doing was sinful. First of all, my mother warned me not to tell anyone, including my paternal Grandmother, what was happening between my father and me. Why not, if it was perfectly innocent? Also, my father told me that when he was young and his mother realized he was engaging in the act, she left him a book about how masturbation would cause blindness, insanity, hair loss, etc. He had been exposed to an influence that clearly taught that it was wrong, though he chose to reject those claims. I also believe that my mother realized the connotation instantly, when she heard that I was getting a divorce. I told her that I would eventually ask for an annulment on the basis that things I had experienced as a child made me unable to view sexuality or marriage in a healthy way. She knew instantly what I was referring to. Since my mother was not one to keep her opinions to herself, especially with my father, I knew she aired her opinion to him on a number of occasions.

There’s also the clear memories I have of my mother’s dealing with woman in our little church when I was growing up. My mother was a strong proponent of birth control. I remember her venting her hatred of Catholicism and of the husband of a recent convert of theirs from Catholicism who had given birth to six children. Her husband refused to use contraception and also apparently had no interest in Natural Family Planning. So she viewed him as abusive and determined to have his way and to make sure his wife had as many children as she happened to have.

My parents’ counsel to those who came to them in situations where there was sexual unrest in a marriage or in the life of a single person was to teach them the “virtues” of masturbation. It was like their own fifth gospel - the moral solution for unbridled passion, objectification of a spouse, and even stress!

So when I dared confront my parents over my father’s sinful behavior and then expose the family stronghold for what it is, I had thrown a stone into the hornet’s nest. It reminded me of stories in the gospels where a demon would throw its victim to the ground or make them convulse before obeying the command of Christ to come out. The violent rebellion was obvious.

Having experienced what I have, I confidently and adamantly state that masturbation was the destruction of my life and any chance I had at a real, normal marriage. I believe that the secret sins of pornography and masturbation (sexual fantasy for us ladies) are the unseen, secret, “victimless” sins that are destroying our marriages, our children’s lives and are actually at the root of the sexual revolution and the moral disaster that has followed. I’ll get into why that is in later articles.

A number of folks have written that they are concerned for my welfare because I have tackled this rarely addressed issue, and I have to agree that I’ve taken a very unpopular stand. Your prayers are needed and greatly appreciated.

Suffering is Good???

Suffering is Good???


Your daily Journey of Hope message for Thursday, August 5, 2010.

Your suffering is not useless; it is not in vain if you offer it up for the good of others - peace in the world, the souls in purgatory, a sick friend, those who are lonely and have no one to pray for them... Uniting your suffering to Christ's is one way He allows us to play a role in His redemptive work. When you hurt and feel alone, take advantage of this wonderful opportunity to unite your pain to Christ crucified for the sake of souls and you will turn your pain into a priceless gift.

We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord's dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful. James 5:11

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Some Folks Have No Sense of Humor

Peter Lumpkins, a protestant apologist produced a very amusing video and posted it recently. It is a spoof on my brother and his Calvinist beliefs. It's pretty funny actually, but it didn't get a laugh over at James' camp. I got a lot of mail about it during the day. Folks were commenting on how funny it was, but few of them figured anyone would actually believe the things that the little animated James was proclaiming. I'm not so sure.

See, as a Catholic, I see any and all protestants as operating as their own Pope and Magisterium. They take the Bible and make it say anything that suits their view of God, man, and themselves. My brother, who calls himself a Reformed Baptist, sees himself as a follower of Calvin - to a point. Even his own spiritual mentor is fair game for Jim cafeteria mentality. "I'll take the TULIP medley with a side of baptist believer's baptism please."

Jim was my mentor when it came to Calvin. I covered that a while back on this blog. I attended the church Jim suggested for its growing Calvinist flavor. I worked with a group of Calvinists at NCC in the discipleship ministry. They were all varieties of Calvinists. There were the ones that bought everything but limited atonement; there were the ones who still couldn't quite give up their free will, so they had to reject irresistible grace. Basically, it was a patchwork of pick and choose and it all fell under the general umbrella of "Calvinist."

I was probably one of the most radical Calvinists of all. I would and did stand flat footed and state unwaveringly that all five points of the TULIP were infallible and that those who were not elect were going to glorify God simply by their depraved lives and their eternal damnation. I had also come to the conclusion that even unborn babies that perished were subject to God's capricious picking and choosing. I had been taught that since it was Tradition that taught us that children were not guilty of actual sin until after an age of accountability that we should reject that idea along with the whole of Catholic Tradition. So if a child was still born, it was entirely up to God whether that child would die with his sinful human nature and suffer damnation for it or if he would somehow become "regenerate" and be saved. If your head is spinning right now, don't feel alone. I can't believe I once believed this rubbish either.

So, while Jim's folks have a cow about this video and bluster about bearing false witness and all, I have to say I found the video not only funny, but also an accurate representation of my own former Calvinist beliefs. I'd say they were also Jim's but he would just tell me I'm wrong like everyone else is wrong when they find fault in him. Whatever.

Never Turn Back

"“Be careful, then, never to turn back to ‘what lies behind’ (Phil 3:13). You’ve put your hand to the plow; don’t turn back to the bitter taste of the things of this world (see Lk 9:62). Escape to the mountain, instead, to Jesus Christ, that stone cut by no human hands (see Dan 2:45), that has filled the world. When you renounce Satan, you utterly break your covenant with him, that ancient treaty with hell (see Is 28:15). At once you find open God’s paradise, which He planted towards the east.” St. Cyril of Jerusalem

Scott Hahn & Mike Aquilina
Living the Mysteries: A Guide for Unfinished Christians, Our Sunday Visitor Publishing Division"